Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
