fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
