I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
sarcasm needs its own font
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
