Who wears a wallet chain?!
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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