I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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