does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
