Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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