is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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