I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
