i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
