But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
