sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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