I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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