he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I smell like Dick and happiness
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
