YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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