She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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