The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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