he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
