Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
