I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize