If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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