dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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