Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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