I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
