I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I have surprise drugs for everyone
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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