I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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