We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
