I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
