He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
