remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
