Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
