If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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