Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
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