Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
