pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
be right there i have to get my cape
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
