I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize