the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
