Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
