Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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