Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
