im about as happy as oj after his trial
Everything about him screamed your future.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
