Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
this just has baby written all over it
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
