just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize