never play flip cup with pint glasses
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
