You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize