ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
