He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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