i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
