My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
