I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
