I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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