At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
