remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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