I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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