I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
two words: eviction party
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
