I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Found your dick twin last night
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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