i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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