Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
