the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
