he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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