Me. At least after what I've been through.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
