i think my tv is drunk
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
