This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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