So drunk its hurt
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
