My entire life is one complicated drinking game
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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