I'm gonna have a badass scar
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize