I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
