I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
