whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
