Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
