I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
