i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You may now shotgun with the bride
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
