she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
