they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
