When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
