Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize