I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i will never coherently bang her
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
They took my balls.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
