I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize