woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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