I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
